Be your best self

I was an abused child from as early on as I can remember and with a family life that isn’t really enough to mention in that department. Either I was being protected from family members or blamed for things that happened to me at a very early age from 5 to 8 years of age that were out of my hands or control. Ex. When I find out a neighbor child was molesting me she walked me across the street to his house to apologize for causing it!…..I was five. That I believe is when I found God and built a relationship with him so that I can be where I am today. Know who I am in him today and be okay with everything and forgive everyone today. Plus hindsight is 20/20 and I can see why other people did but they did not fully understanding why life has been so rough for me from the get-go but very understanding of why people are the way they are or could be and what that could stem from. Us as humans and the way our brain works I believe we project our most darkest fears, traumas and things we dislike most about ourselves onto others. My mom was a very, very sad lonely woman whose husband minded her no attention and likes other women. It made her a cold and bitter jaded woman. However, I forgive her for that and understand how it had to come that way. I still struggle daily to not be anything like that. My traumas and dramas are different. I’m going through my second divorce after nearly 20 years. Semi mutual. I Believe in forever and he believed in hands used as words. My four boys were getting too old trying to fight back to protect their momma and it was just time to go. So for the past year and a half I have been on the search to find out who I am in God who I am as a person a mother a woman and being independent and on my own. Not that easy I need a lot of help for my church to get going into this day I still need a lot of help for my future ex-husband who is very helpful in my venture of getting out with my three younger boys and being on our own. So now with a little backstory I can get more into who I was and who I am now all through my Lord God. Without my babies and belief my faith my Bible His grace and our local radio station that plays Christian music I would never have made it a quarter of the way through this venture.